Confidence Tips

The arrival of summertime and the good weather usually comes with invitations to social events. A wedding or two, a work BBQ, and some family get-togethers. Whatever the occasion, it’s time to get dressed up and walk into a place where, if you’re lucky, you either know a handful of people or have a handful of things in common with them to talk about. For some of us it can be scary entering an unknown environment with unknown people and unlimited unknown potential possibilities.

So, what do we do to overcome our anxiety?

Option one: We can spend hours creating a believable excuse and decline the invitation. The list of possible excuses is endless, and we must also create a full story for when we are forced to revisit and retell the imaginary ordeal with friends or co-workers the following week.

Option two: We accept the invitation with the presumption we won’t have a good time. Then we work ourselves up and get ourselves into a bad mood, regretting we accepted the invitation. In our heads, we have built up all the possible negative interactions and situations that may happen and the result is that we have made ourselves truly miserable before we arrive. When we do arrive at the event, we skulk in and find a corner to hide from interactions or conversations.

Option one is a wasted opportunity to meet people, although you may find you have the plot for that book you wanted to write with the invented lie. Option two is a tortuous experiment in the art of avoiding people and a reminder of how slow time passes when you’re not having fun.

But why should I go to the event in the first place?

We deserve and need good human connections, and social gatherings. These are part of our DNA. Human connections and interactions are important and offer us different viewpoints in which to see and live in the world. We grow around other people.

So how do we overcome our fears and get to the event?

Confidence, that’s how! But…What is confidence? And, where can I get it from?

The definition is “a self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities”. Or as I like to say, “feeling like you belong and have a right to be there.”

Now, how do you achieve the feeling that you belong and have a right to be there? I have a couple of simple tips a wise woman shared with me, my mum.

For context, my mum was a small woman at 5-foot-1 with the biggest heart. She came from a long line of strong-willed, free-thinking woman who knew their own minds and were not afraid to voice their opinions. Coming from a long line of strong-willed woman helped her to be strong, but where did their strength originally come from? These two easy steps paved their way.

1. Smile

Smile at each person you see. This simple act has a few effects – firstly it makes you look approachable and friendly not to mention, less scary to the other nervous people. Secondly it puts the other person at ease as they feel seen and acknowledged, (hey, they belong here too). They smile back, and you feel the same acknowledgment. So now you are both smiling at each other and at the other people around you, spreading smiles and helping each other to relax. Within a few minutes a room full of strangers becomes a room full of welcoming smiling potential connections.

2. You own the place.

Walk in like you own the place. This one takes a little more practice, but I promise it works. (It’s an especially good tool for interviews which I’ll discuss in a later blog). Now when I say “like you own the place” I don’t mean behave arrogantly or superior, as that will get you the wrong kind of attention that nobody wants!

What I mean is, walk in like you are supposed to be there, you are expected, because let’s face it, you are, you were invited!

Walk into area, smiling (see point 1), take a moment to look around (think of the Lion King surveying his kingdom). Decide where you want to go – to friends, the bar, your table…wherever you choose, make it yours, you belong here, don’t be afraid to take up space!

Confidence is about being comfortable in any environment, even if we aren’t at first. Confidence is something we can build and develop starting with the two steps above.

Confidence is a perception, and the funny thing is that the more we act confidently, the more confident we become both in ourselves and in our environment.

The next time you are invited to an event, remember to use mum’s tips:

Smile and walk in like you own the place! Be that confident person you choose to be.